it's not easy being blonde

so, as a blonde, i'm able to attribute all of the silly and stupid things that i do to the color of my hair. not that i truly believe the color of my hair affects the function of my brain, but i use the stereotype to my advantage. recently, however, i've been having more and more "blonde" moments and i'm starting to get a little worried. at least i have plenty of opportunities to laugh at myself, right?

just last week, i decided to roast a whole chicken. believe it or not, i've never actually roasted a whole anything. not turkey or chicken or a pig or anything. shocking, i know. i thoroughly read the instructions and studied the pictures in my test kitchen cookbook all prior to even preheating the oven. i was determined to do it right. when i started trying to stuff the herbed butter compound between the skin and the chicken breasts, i decided that i was having so much trouble because my chicken was different. no worries, i just used a knife to help me along a little bit and was able to get the butter in there just like the picture. i expertly basted the top of the chicken with melted butter and even remembered to take out the packets of all that disgusting stuff inside. once it was all cooked and looked really tasty, i let it cool before carving it, just like the cookbook said to do. once i set the bird on my carving board and started carving just like the pictures in the cookbook, i realized something was really different about my bird. there were bones where there should have been thick, meaty chicken meat! bones! i was really concerned for a moment, but then the realization hit me. i had roasted my chicken upside down. quick to remedy the situation before LH noticed, i just flipped the bird over and carved like nothing had happened. of course, i had to tell him the truth because i thought it was so darn funny.

and then there was today. well, more like fifteen minutes ago. for some reason, i was going through the closet in our office and found the dress that i wore to LH's homecoming last year. i thought it might be a good dress to wear to a friend's upcoming engagement party, so i pulled it out and decided to try it on. never mind the fact that i had just finished a nice, sweaty run about thirty minutes ago and was desperately in need of a shower. i was just going to try it on real quick, look in the mirror and then hang it back up in the closet. i zipped up the side zipper, but realized that it wouldn't go up all the way. not because it doesn't fit, but because one of the little tabs that helps it stay on the hangar had gotten zipped up into the zipper in my haste. no problem, i figured i would just pull the zipper back down and get it unstuck. well, it didn't work. i'm stuck in this dress right now and have no idea how to get it off. LH is at work and i can't exactly go marching over to my sweet next door neighbor and ask her to unzip me out of this dress. i don't know what to do and i really don't want to keep wearing this dress all day until LH gets home from work. that will be fun to explain. "uh, yeah, well, i wanted to look nice for you, honey! don't mind the fact that i haven't showered yet and my hair has dried sweat all in it. at least i look cute, right?" yeah...

anyone have any advice? i am so stuck and feeling very blonde right now.